What is the missing ingredient in achieving peak performance?
by Lorri Molinari
Are you living the life you want to lead? Most professionals are working towards something, striving for something, or pushing to get to some level. And they are not paying attention to the most important area to achieve success.
I meet three types of people in my coaching business:
Those who are struggling to just get through the day because they are on auto pilot.
Those who are doing okay but are still not at the level they would choose.
Those who realize they have the success keys and are living a dazzling life.
Which one are you? If you are a #1 or a #2, do you realize it doesn’t have to be this way? Do you realize you don’t have to settle? Why you may ask do people choosing to settle for average?
They are doing better than their parents/family, so that’s good enough
They are reasonably happy and with all that’s going on in the world, that’s good enough
They don’t know how to start on a new path
Consider this thought: Your life (and career) is not something you CAN control – it is something you are ALREADY controlling each and every moment of the day.
Is this a starting revelation to you? Is that because you had an emotional reaction?
Many people think that emotions are a negative, especially in the work place. Can you remember someone saying at one point, “There’s no need to get emotional.” Or “Why are you getting so excited?” Those around us can try to squelch our natural joy for life and the creation of something better.
I would like to share a story from my life. On the day I was graduating from kindergarten my parents met with my teacher Mrs. Royt. They had a concern and they needed her input. The conversation went something like this. “Mrs. Royt, we are worried about Lorri,” says Mother. “Why, she is one of my best students?” asks Mrs. Royt. “Because she throws herself into everything. She has no fear. She thinks she can do anything,” says Father. “Yes, isn’t that wonderful?!,” says Mrs. Royt. “No, because life isn’t like that. We don’t want her to get hurt,” says Mother. “The reality is that life will beat her down eventually. Let her enjoy life and believe she CAN do anything she sets her mind to as long as she can.”
Although my parents thought they were being loving, they were worried that I had too much self-confident, self-esteem, and daily joy. They didn’t take Mrs. Royt’s words to heart and started the process of introducing “reality” to their daughter Lorri.
Therefore, it has taken me a few years to rediscover my natural self. How did I do this? How am I living a dazzling life today personally and professionally? I manage my EMOTIONAL intelligence skills.
I am in control of my emotional intelligence as well as my technical intelligence. As a success coach I inspire practice owners to connect to their success vision, create goals, manage their emotional intelligence skills, and reach their peak potential. Managing emotional intelligence, especially at work, is no longer a choice for those who want to be successful, effective business owners. Successful people have learned to incorporate the intellectual brain AND the emotional brain to achieve professional success and personal excellence.
When comparing “peak” performers with “average” performers research has shown that technical skills and IQ account for only 1/3 of the variance in performance. The remaining 2/3 is the variance in emotional intelligence.
Emotions are part of our every day life, regardless if we have our “practice owner” hat on or our “personal life” hat on. At times emotions can get in the way. We think we have to avoid them because we are in a work setting. This is far from the truth because we are human beings.
If you (grudgingly) agree that emotions are a part of your work persona, the good news is that you can manage them, with the right tools. Many of us didn’t learn these tools. We were led to believe that our emotions were controlled by people and events outside of ourselves.
The most prominent emotion I see with practice owners is the feeling of self-doubt. The presence of this emotion can cause you to not have faith in your decisions which then leads to guilt for not executing upon a decision, and then leads to paralysis.
Learning to manage your emotional intelligence will allow you to avoid self-sabotaging behaviors, such as:
negative self talk | procrastination |
fear of success | the disease to please |
managing worry | setting unrealistic expectations |
doing it alone – The Lone Ranger perspective |
So how do you get started? The first step is awareness.
Becoming aware of the self-limiting behaviors that are taking our control away gives us choices. There are two ways to increase your awareness. First, take an emotional intelligence assessment. This will show your strengths and weaknesses in the 13 areas that are measured.
Second, and you can start this right now, take out an index card and start tallying the four most toxic words in the English language (in my educated opinion):
I should | I shouldn’t | I can’t | Yeah, but |
You will be amazed at the frequency in which you use these words – silently or out loud.
By increasing your awareness, you can now make different choices. And that is the first step on the road to managing your emotional intelligence.
© 2008 Lorri Molinari. All Rights Reserved. Republished by Sunset Spiritualist Church with consent of the author.